Jarred from Slumber Pt. 2
This is my reflection on what it felt like to have Jas see the God in me when I couldn't see it myself. ( Pt. 2 from last week)
Three
We awake at eight to move Jas’s car, after having cuddled on the hallway floor of Zack’s apartment for the previous two hours.
Hung over and sore, we walk to her car, and I ask Jas if she wants to go and get some sleep at my house, to which she replies, “Yea, I just have to run upstairs and grab my stuff. Will you walk up with me?” Absolutely not, I am not going to deal with that right now. I’ll sit and wait on the steps for you though.” You’re such a pussy”, Jas says running up the stairs. “You’re absolutely right I am but its better to save face now than deal with all of that drama.” I response as she is already half way up the stairs.
Last night, Lorena had barged into the bathroom to use the toilet where Jas and I were half-naked passionately pursuing the moment in all of its beauty. The three of us laugh at the ridiculousness of the moment because we feel no shame.
Entering into the loft, the sun is beaming through the windows and we are completely engulfed with the moment and each other. I toss a Sade record on after having talked about her the previous night and the apartment is filled with magic.
I am caught in between a space of utter infatuation and acceptance. We lay, we laugh, and we explore each other as if we have known each other for years. Our souls and hearts have touched. I am flooded with feelings never felt.
Feeling as if time has stood still for the last four hours, the afternoon has finally come for us, between her people blowing up her phone and the impending house guests I have on the way from DC. We have to let this magic day dissipate.
She drives me back to Fed Hill to grab my bike and I play some Chad Valley, “If you want to be my girl”, trying to impress with her anyway possible.
Parking the car and getting out together to hold hands like 70-year-old lovers, we stop and kiss as if we may never see each other again. It feels like a flash into the future and it is absolute bliss.
Four
Some sort of weird knowing occurred that 4th of July weekend. “I want to go to Nigeria.” I say.
“The only way you will be able to go to Nigeria is if we are married” she laughingly replies as we lay in bed on our first day together.
Born in LA, she is the eldest of four from an Igbo Nigerian Father and a Yoruba Nigerian Mother, she is the very definition of an African Goddess. Having lived in France, Nigeria and completed her Masters in London all before 22, she is cultured, stunning and true.
Early moments are spent telling each other about pasts, presents, and aspirations. Music, literature, art and the common thought life is meant to be lived brings us closer still. Agreeing, “difference is beauty and everything is wondrous.”
We talk about hurt, loss and identity. We talk about past lovers, partners and the ones we loved and feel grateful for the blessing of their love when it was needed. All was spoken so there could be a chance for new.
Five
How I showed her my best when I first met her. I was patient when I felt frustration. Communicative when I felt like shelling up. We talked hours on end basking in each other’s still presence, eating, drinking, while listening for the frequency of each other’s heart.
We turned the loft’s couch into a second bed that we called the “fort” by putting the longer chase part of the sectional together with the smaller end. It becomes where we eat our food, and where we sleep when we are too lazy to make it to the loft steps.
In the first month we spend every waking moment possible with each other, with her often driving weekday nights over an hr from her Rockville bartending gig just in order to spend a couple of hours together before bed.
She becomes my confidant and person I trust most. She is slow to anger and intentional with her energy and love. Always up front with me, letting me know I have overstepped boundaries. She loves with her actions and intentions never relying on words to do her speaking.
Week one she asks me, “What is the one thing you feel you were born to do.” The only clear thing that enters my mind, “I know I was born to be a Dad. I feel such a calling to let a perfect thing know how much value and worth they were created with.”
Six
On our first weekend together, I had let her know I wanted to go the Best of Baltimore party at the Hippodrome on the 15th to celebrate my birthday before my trip to Colombia.
Expecting Jas’s call to let her in the building, I look down on my phone; surprised to see Nicole is calling me. It is the first time, she has reached out, since our split.
I gather my thoughts just enough to pick up the phone, “Hey… I just didn’t want it to go unsaid, I hope you have a great birthday and are doing wonderfully,” she says.
Receiving Jas’s call within minutes after Nicole, I decide to keep the moment silent.
And as we flow in and out of the different gourmet food stalls at the Best of Baltimore Party while only stopping to grab a drink or share a small kiss, I casually let it slip that Nicole had called.
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner? How do you feel? Why do you think she was calling?” Going through this question and answer process is the first time the world seems bigger than our created space. And as fear as my driver, I answer how I think she wants me too breaking our safe, perfect bubble……
Words A.D. Verville
stay tuned next week for Part III